Good News Week!

My rebellious nature has stood me in good stead. Just as well I didn't listen to the surgeon's 'the tumour hasn't shifted, you should think about immediate surgery' less than two months ago. My visit to Bristol, all the emotional 'work' I did there with various therapies and the change of diet have resulted in a very positive step forward.

The tumour has reduced in size by one whole third!!! As it was quite big, that's no mean feat.

Howzat(as British cricketers are victoriously wont to declare)!!?!

Of course, I didn't bother to tell the consultant why and how come - leave them to their little self-serving victories. I know what made the difference. And I'm not tilting at windmills any more - not fighting fights I have no need to fight. I no longer need to 'change the world' or feel my integrity is a risk if I'm not 'making things better' for those who are yet to come. I'll find other ways that don't bring me into hopeless clashes with other people who believe what THEY want to believe, come what may.

Oh, here's the grumpy bit - the last time I saw the consultant (after three and a half months of hormone therapy) there was the urgency for surgery, resultant 'disfigurement' so wouldn't it be lovely for me to have breast reduction on the NHS, etc. This time, the same consultant is saying we give hormone therapy for a MINIMUM of six months and AND the tumour has been steadily reducing all the way through! Yerwot? Yes, he even stated the tumour had reduced by 3mm last time. (But last time he told me it hadn't budged!)

How can the same CONSULTANT give you totally different news each time???? It hasn't changed/it had already started changing; surgery now/surgery not immediately needed...He just fudges the facts to fit his opinion. I thought SCIENCE looked at the facts first. Just as well I knew more than he did, wasn't it??! (I remembered the oncologist saying 'minimum of six months and I wasn't going to give up my chance of going to Bristol!)

I didn't KNOW that Bristol and the change of diet would have this effect. I did know, however, that if the surgeon removed the tumour and I didn't remove the reason for it to be there, that it wouldn't make any difference. And I was right. I've even come across other people saying the same thing now, so it's not that outrageous. Louise Hay has a meditation tape for people with cancer - she says the same thing about her own cancer : if she hadn't sorted out her 'issues', the surgeons would have cut a piece of Louise out and then had to cut another and another until there'd be no Louise left. That certainly resonated with me.

I must admit that living with hubby has returned me to hysterical frustration again - even without the stress of wondering every day if I'm closer to dying or closer to getting better. I am trying to wiggle my way out of this relationship but there's always a surprise waiting for me no matter which door I open. I guess he wants and needs this relationship more than he or I ever realised. I feel defeated right now but I promise you it won't last. Everything takes its own time.

I just wanted to let you guys know the good news.

With love and light!!