Monday, August 06, 2007

He did it again!

My son phoned yesterday for a friend to come round. Will Dad pick him up at 10am? Yes, of course.

So this morning, Dad leaves with plenty of time to pick up said friend (much earlier than necessary) and I discover he's left son to eat a late (hot) breakfast alone. I asked, surprised, "Has Dad left without you?" "Yes, I said he should go while I eat breakfast so I can take my time eating it." Son had decided on soup for breakfast!

I'm furious with my husband for allowing this kind of thing to happen. Said friend doesn't get son's company in the car, hubby has to deal with child (20-30 minute car ride). It's just not appropriate and it's not teaching our young teenager to take responsibility - as usual. Son didn't get up in time (actually he did - they could have managed that situation!); hubby HAS to get everywhere far too early (picking up time is NOT an appointment; he's going to arrive about 20 minutes before time!).

Scream! I'm furious. I worked hard with son over the past few days while hubby was away. He was learning to take responsibility. He WANTS to gain some independence and do things for himself. He wants us to go away so he CAN! But hubby constantly undermines him, just as he does me. And I know by now that there's no point in reasoning or in saying anything AT ALL! It just causes bad vibes, bad mummy, me at screaming point through the sheer frustration of not getting through, son gets conflicting messages from us, husband feeling unappreciated and (probably) confused...bloody hopeless.


PS Having vented my spleen here, I successfully negotiated my frustration and dealt with things in a positive way by tackling son and explaining that he needs actively to take more responsibility because his father can't help him do that because of all his own issues. That must sound like a terrible betrayal of hubby and a negative burden on my son but I'm in a new place and my fear of shaming others, and the inevitability of my taking the blame on their behalf, being the fall guy, is over.

PPS By the end of the day, the coals had been heaped so high by my husband's inability to 'be the adult', 'be the parent' that, when I learned he'd let someone down in a way that put it at my door again (back to being the fall guy), I 'blew' and the day's frustrations all came out. He has acknowledged his immaturity in being able to respond and this has put things on a different footing but I'm back to tears of frustrated, angry hopelessness (if there can be such a thing!).


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need to lighten up and get an agreement on how to manage these situations in the future.

4:59 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Twit! The whole point is that it's impossible to GET an agreement with someone who has Aspergers Syndrome - the brain just doesn't WORK that way. Lighten up, indeed!! 20 years of the same frustrations would destroy the most buoyant personality (ie mine!).

4:28 PM  
Blogger trinity67 said...

Anonymous you are a horse's ass.

She does not need to lighten up, she and her husband need to be on the same page. It's a work in progress.

12:58 AM  

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