Sunday, December 17, 2006

Help, I've Lost My Inner GOB!

I've noticed that while it's still possible to become grumpy and bitchy, it's getting more and more difficult to maintain this state. For me, that is. I'm thinking of starting a spin-off blog and calling it "Bland Resignation." I mean, what fun is a woman who can't maintain a state of agitation for longer than fifteen seconds?

I've tried everything. Jet lag has had no negative effect on my mood. Abstaining from caffeine long enough to acquire a blinding headache failed to bring on the usual piss and vinegar. Even quitting ciggies didn't help me to snap out of this dreadfully sweet, generally accepting, cream-puffy state, so I started smoking again. My period is due in a week -- I should be shooting first and asking questions later.

Even yesterday, when Mr Z had is panties all in a twist over his ex, because she'd essentially treated him like a doormat again (and he allowed it again), and he tried to take it out on me by whining and sniping and being generally disagreeable, I was unreactive -- completely unphased. He had spoken to me in a way that used to be good for at least a three-day bitchy resentment bender, and all I could cough up for him was a simple: Hey, let's remember I'm not the enemy here. Change your tone if you need to speak to me, or kindly shut up. And then I continued loading the dishwasher, feeling happy as a clam, as if I had found my true life's purpose.

What the fuck is that?

Could it be hormonal? I can't possible be lacking in testosterone, as that nasty little whisker that sprouts from a slightly protruding mole on my otherwise divinely perfect chin, has grown back five days after I last plucked it. Could some other hormone be involved?

Will my bitch ever come back?

What the hell is the matter with me?


Blogger Miss Cellania said...

You are welcome to have some of mine!

5:45 PM  
Blogger fineartist said...

Heeeeeee, aint nothin' wrong with you honey, we love you just the way you are, bitchy or not, you're the bomb baby, the bees knees, honey you've got it goin' on.

Where do those whiskers keep sprouting from? The ones in my nose, the bastards, I find them the most problematic lately, it's really a bummer when I lean down to help a kid with something and they say, man Ms. P, is that a little whisker hangin' from your nose? Oh well, guess it's better than a booger, and that's usually what I tell them. xx, Lori

10:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well, maybe you're in a transition on your way to becoming totally, acerbicly, gorgeously COOL, unruffled yet quick with the witty rejoinder ... and this is just the first stage! (or maybe the dishwasher soap is giving off relaxing fumes???)

10:55 PM  
Blogger Doug Bagley said...

as we age we either get bitchier or more mellow...sad to say, but I think you're heading down the road of the latter not the former

12:14 AM  
Blogger annie said...

give it time, woman!

(welcome home, z)

5:47 PM  
Anonymous Mark said...

Hey, it's important to remember IT IS ALWAYS SOMEBODY ELSE'S FAULT. Since your current self-professed state of cream-puffy acceptance is obviously all the way across town from where you want to be, the dickhead(s) responsible for making you happy just better stand up and be counted. In the meantime, thinking about crushing him/her/them ought to be enough to work up a good head of steam. Changing the world cannot wait another moment! To the barricades!!

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps it's the Christmas spirit, seeping in to your veins? I'm doing my best to keep it out, but I caught myself thinking about making mulled wine for carol singers this afternoon, instead of sending them off with a flea in their ear. Don't worry, your GOB will be back with the January Blues :).

9:16 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home