Saturday, January 27, 2007

In Your Face

I have a toothbrush holder I bought six years ago. I love this toothbrush holder, it's chrome and white porcelain, done up in a turn of the century design, very compact and aesthetically pleasing to the eye. I've kept it next to my sink all these years, fondly recalling the happiness I felt when I first spotted it sitting all by itself on the shelf at Target.

Problem is, the good folks at Colgate and Crest who design toothbrushes have conspired to see to it that no toothbrush in existence will fit into my pretty holders' neatly arranged slots.

My bathroom counter is riddled with evaporated pools of foamy toothpaste residue, white chalky mess from fat-handled toothbrushes commingle with hairballs from recently cleaned hairbrushes and my daughter's array of makeup and glitter sprays.

I threw that bastard toothbrush holder right in the fucking garbage can today. I admit defeat, I'm done trying to find skinny brushes, done picking everything up to wash the counters, finished with longing to see that holder full and functional. All you marketing geniuses...Go fuck yourselves.


Blogger Cheryl said...

And I just HATE resorting to standing the brushes in a beaker because you always get some male who doesnt rinse his brush properly and a thin layer of grey, crusty second-hand toothpaste that collects in the bottom of the beaker - puke.

1:46 PM  
Blogger Lizard said...

same problem here. Ours is just pretty chrome, and I finally tossed the top and we just use it like a cup and hold the toothbrushes that way.

And what is it with the toothbrushes? I do not need and I do not want endless rubbery knobby bits on the handle, or on the back of the head. Nor do I need a tongue cleaner. Nor do I need a $4 toothbrush. I just want a toothbrush, dammit, and I'd love one that fits in the holes of a toothbrush holder.

3:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i own the very same holder. from target in santa rosa. i love mine also, and never imagined that anyone else would love a toothbrush holder. then i read this. ours fit, but i am not recalling what brand they are. sorry for your loss.

6:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I'm a bigger sucker for the latest in toothbrush design than I am for decorative devices to hold them. I LOVE the new Colgate 360. We keep them in plastic flatwear trays in the bathroom drawers -- two drawers for toothbrushes, two for hair brushes and combs, and the tampons go under the sink across from the toilet, right next to the toilet paper. Much easier to wipe down the counters if I don't have to move a bunch of counter decor first.

Just SMACK me.

1:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, drawers in your bathroom? How ingenious! What I have is mason jars, widemouth, to keep brushes in. I couldn't find a decent toothbrush holder that would accomodate fat handles, either! At least mason jars will survive the dishwasher.

But I still can't get these messy kids to put the cap back on the toothpaste.

2:06 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Kim - my apologies.
Thank you for a wonderful post, so funny it brought tears to my eyes, as I DO love the way you write. I guess being too busy laughing I missed the thought that you were actually quite pee-ed off at losing a pretty thing. I know in this house there is a shortage of items that are both feminine and mine - either categorisation being seemingly enough reason for someone to have an accident with them. Empathy, hugs, and keep fucking those toothbrush guys.
Erm, you know what I mean.

7:52 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

no, thank YOU Cheryl, it felt good to get this off my chest...
And a warm hug to all the rest of you, sorry it's taken me so frightfully long to finally post in here, I'll be back... And thanks for the comments.

10:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes! I have the same damn problem except my toothbrush holder is attached to the wall and I can’t throw it out. I want to know why ergonomics are so damn important to toothbrushing that they have to create these padded fat-handle toothbrushes. Who is brushing their teeth so long and hard that they've gotten repetitive stress injuries?

3:01 PM  
Blogger trinity67 said...

I keep my toothbrush in the shower because I'm one of those people who brushes her teeth while showering. And when I'm not showering and in need of brushing my teeth, I simply lean into my shower and retrieve said toothbrush from the handy cuppie thing, which has holes and is attached to the shower wall via a large suction cup. God bless suction cups cuz I hate putting things on the side of the tub. In one hole resides my razor - very handy. And my battery-operated lazy-woman toothbrush sits very conveniently in the cup. It's a good idea to keep your toothbrush away from your toilet as (apparently) during the flushing process, poo molecules fly up from the toilet and adhere themselves. And since nine times out of ten the toothbrush is usually very close to the toilet, I think keeping my toothbrush in the tub with the shower door drawn close, is a good thing.

3:14 AM  

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